I swear i’m not always this emotional you guys. I’m usually much more focused on the fun parts of motherhood. Product reviewing and fashion finding is what I do best. But once again I find myself word vomiting onto my computer to share it with the world. You see, our world is changing. I don’t want to get too political here, but this new late abortion law for the state of New York has me in my feelings. It has me reaching out to God for a sign that better things are coming. It has me wanting to share my story with the world to let every woman know that just because your pregnancy is unplanned does not mean your child will be unloved. So here I am sharing my story on something near and dear to my heart and I hope it reaches the ones who need to read it most.
A summer beach vacation, the perfect (or so I think now) bikini body and a couple madly head-over-heels. The perfect vision of young love. We were out of town for a wedding and found ourselves in quite an unexpected scenario. 2 weeks “late”. If you know what I mean by late, well then you know it can either be a blessing or a sign that life is about to throw you a curve ball. And boy was my life taking on a curve ball.
2 weeks later, I found myself sitting in the doctor’s office confirming what we already suspected. That little pink line was now a beating heart on the TV screen. I wish I could tell you everything that came over me that day and the days leading up to it, but I can only explain it as a whirlwind of emotions.
I was becoming a mother.
I, the strong willed and independent woman fresh out of college and brand new to the big city. The girl who always swore she wouldn’t have kids. Not only wouldn’t, but couldn’t. That’s a whole different story time for a later date.
April 4th, 2016.
That was the due date of our baby. We had no idea who he or she would be, but we knew we were terrified. We were terrified of the days to come, terrified of telling our friends and family and terrified of what people would think of us. We weren’t married, not even engaged. 9 months into our relationship, our world changed forever.
But a beautiful thing happened. Our fear turned into hope. We made a promise to one another, my now husband and I, that we would take on this challenge God gave us and we would welcome our baby into a world where it never had to question whether he or she was wanted. They would never question who their parents were or if they loved them. We were becoming Parents.
March 26th, 2016
I became a mother.
As i type my story, i can still remember the day they laid my beautiful baby girl on my chest for the first time. Her little cries hushed as soon as she felt my warmth, her tiny fingers wrapped around mine and her sweet face nestled against my chest. Suddenly she was there and I knew I would never love anything as much as I loved her. In that moment, God had given me everything in life I never knew i even wanted.
You see, God gives us exactly what we need. His plan is greater and my faith will always lie in Him. He tested my faith so many times you guys. I mean there were days I would drop to the floor and just cry and think “Why me?, Why now?, Why?” and I would just pray. I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I was 24 and clueless on how to be a mother. Sure I had babysat a handful of times and loved my niece with every ounce of my soul, but my own child?
Fast forward to today, January 23rd of 2019, and here I am sharing my story to you while holding my 3 month old baby boy. I have not one, but two beautiful children that I love more as the days go by. They are my world, my everything.
I am sharing my story in hopes it reaches some young woman who isn’t ready to be a mother. Who just found out that a new life is growing inside of her. She’s scared, she’s terrified and she’s feeling alone.
You are going to be great. You are going to welcome your baby into a world where it will grow up to be a beautiful blonde hair blue eye’d baby girl who becomes your best friend. Who watches every move you make and wants to be just like her mommy. Who walks in your room wearing your high heels and is grinning from ear to ear in your lipstick. Who smiles at you and says “I’m pretty like you, Mommy.” God, she is going to be beautiful momma.
Or maybe he will grow up to be the handsome boy who steals your heart as if it were buried treasure from one of his pirate ship dreams. He will test your patience every day. He will drag you around the world to every soccer and baseball field and your car will smell like stinky cleats for years to come. He will bring home a girlfriend of his own one day and you will pray he falls in love with her the same way your husband fell in love with you.
You will love that baby. I promise you, you will. And they will love you back. And when they tell you they love you too, gosh. Your mommy heart will melt.
You got this momma. You’re going to be great.