“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in this world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.” -Agatha Christie
If you are reading this, Hi. Chances are at some point you’re going to resonate with me on things you’re about to read or we will butt heads. And if it is the latter, that’s okay mama. We can be different & believe different things. At the end of it all we both want one thing, the absolute best for our children & that alone makes us the most epic moms ever.
If you asked me 4 years ago my opinions on vaccines I had only one- just get them. I trusted doctors because I worked alongside them. I saw patient after patient and we asked the typical questions, “Is he/she up to date on vaccines?”. And when a mom would tell me they didn’t vaccinate their kids, I cringed. How dumb is this mom? Why would you carelessly put your child in danger like this? How uneducated can you get? But what I didn’t realize, was that I was actually the uneducated one.
When we had our first child in 2016, I didn’t research any of the vaccines she was given. I would notice a red bump or maybe a small rash after the injection but nothing major. We went through 4 years of vaccine after vaccine and never read a single insert or even asked a question. I trusted my doctors. So when our second came along in 2018, same routine & same vaccines. Never questioned, never even read the paper they handed me to sign right before they injected. So I truly let myself and my children down. Big mom fail guys. Read the damn inserts.
In June of 2020, we were battling after diaper rashes with Carter. It was off and on and always horrible. On June 29th 2020, we were seen at Urgent Care for an awful rash that I suspected was a yeast infection. The doctor glanced for a quick second and confirmed. Prescribed oral and topical anti-fungals & we were off. We began them immediately and noticed no help. So on July 1st 2020, we called our doctor to schedule a sick visit to have a second opinion on the rash. **Emphasis on the sick visit**. We walked in, saw a doctor that was not our normal (I was aware this was going to happen, and I was okay with it) and she told us to discontinue the medicines for a yeast infection and that it was actually eczema. At this point the rash was ONLY in his diaper region, no where else. We had a second doctor lay eyes and she also confirmed. Nasty flare up of eczema. Started oral and topical steroids.
But before leaving the reminded me we were 4 months behind on Vaccines. Keep in mind this was in the middle of the “covid pandemic” so when we were due in March for the 18 month appointment I pushed them out. So when they mentioned this, I asked if it would be okay to give him vaccines on a day he was already sick since we were there for a sick visit. They asked the nurse if he came in with a fever, nope, so they were vaccinating. Okay..
The Vaccines he received on July 1st were DTap+ (4th dose), Hep A (2nd dose), HIB PRP- T, & IPV. 4 shots right? So I thought.
We left, went home and all was normal. No injection site issues, no fever, nothing. 5 days later (July 5th 2020) I noticed the rash start. It was white papular bumbs all over his legs but not the diaper region. No big deal, not causing any issues or any pain. Didn’t think anything else about it. Diaper rash was still awful. But then it started to spread all over everywhere. White bumps at first and they didn’t seem to cause him any pain.
Flash forward to July 14th 2020, I noticed a fever blister pop up on his lip. I didn’t think much of it what so ever because it wasn’t causing him discomfort & appeared to be localized and not spreading.
July 20th 2020 the rash began on his face. Nothing crazy, just a few bumps here and there. We gave started Benadryl & Zyrtec as instructed by the pediatrician.
July 26th 2020 the rash was much worse and we started to think it was HFM. He was refusing food & drink and started running fevers. **Rash came before fevers, remember that**. We treated with Motrin and kept him comfortable.
July 27th 2020- Carter woke up covered head to toe in the rash. There was not a single spot on his body unaffected and it was extremely inflamed. I called my Pediatrician and they suggested more Benadryl because it could be an allergic reaction. This was nothing anaphylactic so we were not concerned. Motrin & Benadryl for fevers and the rash was all we did.
July 28th 2020- We woke up to Carter’s entire body blood red, puffy and completely covered in a raised red bumpy rash. This was not normal and I knew it. He had been given numerous doses of Benadryl and the small amount of medical background I had told me that 2 days of Benadryl was enough to start working and show signs of improvement. We called our Pediatrician and they told us to take him to Children’s Hospital in Atlanta. While there, Carter checked in with a 100.1 temperature and was taken back to isolation as a covid risk. The Doctor/Staff came in immediately to examine him and asked the typical “Middle of a Pandemic” questions- Cough, fevers, congestion, exposure to covid? Wait, exposure to Covid? He’s got a rash. Well apparently that’s a covid sign In kids. But no, no exposure at all. They wanted to test anyways so I obliged. If that’s what he had I wanted to know so we could treat. I was only doing what I thought was best. I was also told they were going to run lab work (which they did) and some other test (Strep, Flu). They examined him and told me It was “viral” and a high chance he had covid. So we left the hospital as a “Covid Positive Patient”. I didn’t feel confident in this, so I called our pediatrician and asked to go in. They took us in and we saw our normal doctor. He laid eyes, checked him head to toe and read the lab work. It was in fact NOT covid. But he assured me that the covid test was probably a false negative because Carter was the typical Covid kid with the rash and fevers. Keep in mind Carter has NO other Covid symptoms. So we leave with no other answers other than if fevers continued to come back.
June 29th 2020- The worst day. Sean woke Carter up that morning and I remember him coming down the stairs and not being able to see Carter’s eyes. His face was swollen shut. He physically could not see out of either eye & he was burning up with a fever. I gave Benadryl & Motrin immediately and called our Ped. Straight back to CHOA. We arrived, no fever at check in but still went back as a covid risk (only for the rash). They examined him and the doctor did not seem concerned with Carter’s facial swelling because it did not affect his lips, tongue or throat. But the rash was AWFUL. His entire little body was covered in tiny red dots that were so inflamed. We saw 2 regular ER physicians who were unsure what this was, so they consulted Infectious Disease. ID doctors sat in the room with us for over an hour. They examined him head to toe, touching, feeling and asking hundreds of questions. They were VERY thorough with their examine, but still came up with nothing. They asked to take photos him for his charts and assured me this was not anything deadly or contagious. They asked to run a second covid test, I asked for the antibody test instead since he had just tested negative the day before. They agreed antibody test was a better choice. I asked him if they didn’t know what this was and if they were so concerned (Which they were, they both told me they had not seen this in a child before today) Why they wouldn’t admit him. They said they had no ground to admit since he was not “Sick” with any other symptom. So we went back home.
By this point we had an army of moms surrounding us in prayer. I had moms from all over the world reaching out to me to offer advice, hope & prayers. And then I started noticing a pattern- “I saw he got his vaccines 4 days before, did you look into this?” My answer, no I had not. Remember when I said I trusted my doctors and didn’t ask questions? I literally had to pull up Carter’s medical chart to even tell people which vaccines he was given that day. I was embarrassed.
So with all these mothers reaching out asking me to do my research, that’s what I did. And boy will I tell you I was sick to my stomach for days. I still have knots thinking about it. Have you ever read those inserts? Me either. But I have now. Over 500 pages of information that is slammed into ONE TINY piece of paper given to me at my peds office. None of which informed me of the dangers involved & the side effects. But let’s not jump to conclusions right? So I continued to seek help from doctor’s. I wanted clarity, and I wanted a Medical diagnosis. How damn easy would that be? Someone somewhere diagnosis my child with a medical condition and give me a medicine to fix it. How naive was I?
On August 3rd 2020 we scored an appointment with one of the best Pediatric Allergist in the Greater Atlanta area. I don’t want to mention his name for privacy reasons but God bless that man. So he walked in and immediately shook his head at me and said & I quote “I’m so sorry you came here hoping I could help you, but this is not an allergic reaction to anything”. What? How could he know so soon? So he came in and began asking us questions. He said the timeline and the time this had been going on and given that we had been on Benadryl & Steroids for the weeks that we had, the rash was not being caused by either a food or environmental allergy. Meaning this wasn’t anything he was ingesting or having put onto his skin. He said he was very concerned and asked me if he could take photos for his personal use to share with other physicians that he consulted for various things. He took photos of Carter head to toe and told me not to stop asking questions. He was the first physician who assured me I was doing the best thing for my child by not settling for “viral” or “Covid”. I asked him about the vaccines and if he thought this could be anything to do with those. His answer ( I cannot quote), was that he had seen many kids have reactions to vaccines after so many days, but Carter’s was severe. So severe he dared say this was an emergent situation and that we needed to seek Dermatology immediately. He was furious when I informed him that the ER had dismissed us twice because he said Carter’s skin condition alone would have been grounds for an admission from him. He had simply never seen this before and he made sure that I was aware of that. Before leaving he gave me his personal cell number and told me to update him with any news. He is the only Doctor thus far who has constantly been in contact with us. He has texted us, called us, asked for photos, sent me doctor’s numbers to call and ask questions, sent me articles to read and more. They say modern medicine is dying and I believe it. But that man made me feel like someone out there could help us and I wasn’t giving up.
The very same day, August 3rd 2020, we scored a dermatology appointment. WOW, same day right? That should have been a huge red flag. But never the less, we were off. We walked in, the nurse asked us questions, and then the doctor came in. I just happened to be looking at my phone to tell her the last dose of Motrin and I knew the time exactly. The doctor was in the room for less than 5 minutes before leaving and telling us this was eczema. She did not touch carter, did not look under his clothing, did not ask us a timeline, did not ask me anything pertaining to him at all. She simply said this was a bad case of eczema. What she did offer me was an opportunity to order some amazing products to help with eczema and I could have her send me an email with the link to check them out. UMMM What?? I was FURIOUS. The nurse knew it too and shook her head when the doctor walked out. I was asked to make a follow up appointment to which I said hell no, we would not be back. She said she didn’t blame me and made a joke about “Now you know why you can get same day appointments with us”. We paid $150 for NOTHING. Oh, and received a bill for an additional $465. HOW FREAKING COOL. Y’all I cried in my car. This woman was a joke. She took advantage of my son and my desperation for answers and diagnosed him with the easiest to say.
So if doctor’s can’t help, and the ones who say they know what’s wrong with him want to sell me on some bullshit MLM products, should I continue to seek help from modern medicine? Of course I do? I’m an idiot, do you not see the pattern here?
So 3 days later, August 6th 2020, we go to a second dermatology office. This office had an employee who heard my story and showed the provider carter’s story. They told me they wanted to help & they did. We were in the room with many nurses and a physician who asked question after question and examined him head to toe. She truly cared & assured me of such. I trust her opinions and I still think she is onto something. They told me Psoriasis. Which made sense because my Husband has it as well. She also wanted to share Carter’s photos to a group of physicians who were Board Certified Pediatric Dermatologist and would call me if she got a differing opinion. We left on the same regiment Carter has been on for a while. She assured us that what we were doing could not hurt but to end the steroids all together. So we did. We have a follow up appointment with her office on September 3rd and we will be attending to have her lay eyes on Carter a second time.
If you’ve made it this far, are you angry yet? Because I’m angry all over again just typing it out right now. But I will not give up, and I have not given up.
Remember all that research I did on vaccines? Well, it landed me an appointment with a Holistic Practitioner that same day we had the Dermatology appointment. So on August 6th, we saw her and she had so much to tell us. She ran a test on carter that used energy bouncing through his body to basically tell us what his body had “too much of” and the results blew me away. Basically, Carter was in overdrive from so many toxins and chemicals, and he was also suffering from a very poor diet. She explained to me in a way no one else had before, that what was going on with my son’s skin was his body tell us “Hey mom, something is wrong. Help me” and that I should be thankful he was responding this way. How could I understand that? Well it made a lot of sense when I thought about the timeline.
July 1, vaccines. 4 days later a rash. It spreads, & worsens. Then its head to toe rash and fevers. Then it’s facial swelling. This was all less than 3 weeks post 8 vaccines. Yeah, I said 4 at the top but if you read the inserts, those 4 vaccines are actually 8. Just google them, you’ll see. So I had no freaking idea what I had done to my son’s body until it was too late. Too Late. I was responsible for this you guys. I made the uneducated choice to expose my son to something his body was too weak to handle. Had I read and educated myself I would have thought, “Hey, this might be too much. Maybe just one?” Or how about none. But that’s my choice as a mom and YOUR CHOICE as a mom. We have the choice despite societies harsh judgement against it, we can choose what we do and do not do with OUR children. So I beg you, if you’ve made it this far, PLEASE read the vaccine inserts. That’s all I ask you. If you read them and you choose to vaccinate, I will hug you and high five you for doing your research. If you read them and choose not to vaccinate or delay them, I will also hug you and high five you.
You are your child’s voice, Let it be heard. You are your child’s protector, Protect them. You are your child’s decision maker, YOU. Not society, not your doctors, not the CDC, and DAMN SURE not our government. You, Mom, YOU make that choice.
Part 2 coming soon
XO- A loving “Ex-Vaxer & very much educated” Mother