I know what you’re thinking. How is the girl who preaches against mom shamming trying to tell me how I’m a bad mom. Well, it got your attention and you’re here now so please continue to read. This is in no way to mock, shame or change others views on how they parent, I’m simply here to tell you how society views us as “Bad Mothers” by doing things we’re all doing to protect our babies. So grab some popcorn, it’s good!
- Co-Sleeping- Yep. If your child, at any age, finds their way into your beds..Bad Mom status. God forbid we just want to snuggle with our kids and fall asleep with them, and then we are all hooked. Both of our kids sleep with us, in separate beds. Does it suck? Yeah, sometimes. Do I wish I could sleep with my husband without little feet in my back all night or a baby on my boob? You bet. But these are the years that I will want back. They are only little for so long. So if you’re doing it safely, no blanket on infant, co sleeper or however you choose- no mama shamming here. Love those babies girlfriend!
- You DON’T let your baby Cry It Out- I can’t believe I even am mentioning this one, but you’d be shocked to know how many times I have people tell me i’m a bad mom for not letting my baby cry it out before bed. Oh, so you mean i’m a bad mom for giving up MY 30 minutes of peace and quiet before bed because I choose to go rock my crying infant back to sleep? Ok, then I don’t want to be a good mom. Babies cry because they need something. You cannot spoil them with love, i’m sorry. 3 year old? yeah, you can spoil. But if a baby is crying and stops when you hold them, it’s because HELLO, they feel safe with you. So if that makes us bad moms, then girl you DA BADDEST!
- Formula feeding- You know, because the labor of childbirth and pregnancy isn’t enough we are continued to be shammed while feeding our child. Some women just can’t do it. Not because they don’t want to, but they just can’t. Some can’t produce, some have a hard time connecting and some just don’t want to. Why is that ANYONE’S business today? Why does a mom who stopped breastfeeding her child have to explain her situation to you and your 300 facebook group members who decide to shame her decision. Some of you guys could watch Bambi and focus on the little scene with Thumper. And if you don’t know what i’m referring to then i’m going to need you to catch up. I couldn’t breastfeed my first. A little devil called PPD snuck up and I had to take care of myself in order to take care of my child. And I was labeled a bad mom for that. Now i’m breastfeeding an infant and suddenly a “good mom” again? some people need to have several seats on some church pews.
- Breastfeeding past the age of 1 OR in public- yeah, please refer to the majority of issue 3. If you judge a mom for feeding HER child, notice I said hers because that baby didn’t come out of your who-hah, then you need a lesson on keeping your mouth shut. Sorry, i’m not apologetic here. You want to tell me to go feed my child in the bathroom because a baby on my boob is ruining your dining experience then i’ll kindly tell you to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine and then I might even squirt a little of my offending boob juice in your direction. Can’t say I didn’t warn ya!
- Extended Rear Facing car seats- So you see this mom hauling around her 5 kids in her mini van and you see little Timmy in the backseat in a rear facing carseat and he looks like he could be maybe 3 years old… and you have the nerve to tell that mom that child needs to forward face, get in your car and drive away to your closest church and sit and have a lesson on Jesus. Extended rear facing is a thing you guys, and it saves more kids every day than you even know. Carseats these days are designed to keep our babies rear facing for well past the state laws (In my state, GA) requirement of 2 years of age. Some kids develop slower, have spine or bone issues and turning them forward facing could kill them in an accident. So why this one is even shammed blows my mind, but guess what- it is.
- You started solids before 6 months- lord here we go with feeding our kids again. If your pediatrician has seen your developing child and gives you the okay to start giving them a little mashed banana every once in a while, girl you go for it. Give baby what you want! But some of these facebook groups I am in I hear women literally calling other women “Ignorant, stupid, dumb” for simply making the choice to let their baby try something approved by their doctors. Because ya know, that Google degree they all have hanging on their wall tells us more about what we should and shouldn’t be doing than some rando doctor who spent 13 years of his life in college. No big deal. Feed your child when He/She is ready. For my first it was 6 months, for my second we were cleared earlier and he hates them so we are holding off. But guess what, MY BABY MY CHOICE.
- You don’t have your kids on a schedule- oh how DARE you let your kids stay up past 8 pm on a weekend when they should be in bed (insert major eye roll emoji). Okay LISTEN LINDA, I actually like the children I produced with MY BODY and I like spending time with them. And believe it or not I can still enjoy a glass of wine while holding my child and reading a bedtime story, I got this one. My kids will never be forced to go to sleep when they aren’t ready, they also won’t be forced to take naps if they don’t want a nap. Might I regret those decisions? I probably will. But hey, I made that decision and I deal with my kids actions. Not you. So unless you’re the one over here dealing with my 3 year old at 11 pm at night on a Saturday, keep your unwanted opinions to yourself!
- Child not potty trained by age 2- Okay and that’s your business why? Are you changing her diaper or am I? No she isn’t potty trained yet. But that isn’t because I haven’t tried. I have tried until she absolutely cries and I’m not doing that to my child. She isn’t ready. And if your child isn’t ready, that’s okay girl. Mine will be 3 this month and she still isn’t ready despite all efforts. Forcing a child to potty train when they aren’t ready is just more stress than it’s worth and it’s not good for kids at all. Wait until THEY are ready, not when some person that doesn’t know your child thinks they should be ready!
- I don’t do much with friends anymore- well, you see theres this big thing called responsibility, and believe it or not i’m actually responsible for the children I gave birth to. Who’d a thought? So no, I don’t get sitters on the weekends to go party it up with friends, but that’s okay if you do I guess. I choose to spend time with my children as their parent. So when I respectfully decline your invite to GNO or a wedding that is “adults only” don’t get all butt hurt when my response is “I’m a parent and I have children who need me”. Don’t tell me to just get a sitter. We have an AMAZING set of sisters who watch our kids when WE as their parents decide we need a break. Or we ask grandparents. No one else. We trust no one. And that’s my business, NOT YOURS.
- Last but not least- Spanking. And Lord Jesus hold my hand I DO NOT mean child abuse or simply beating your child. I mean discipline. I mean a pop on the bottom after you have verbally told your child not to do something. I mean letting your children know that they did something wrong by getting their attention by popping them in the appropriate place to remind them that if it happens again, their bottom gets popped. Kids these days grew up not having to pick their own switches off the tree in the backyard AND IT SHOWS. So yes, when my kids need a spanking (its hardly ever, with addi like twice in her life) you best believe I’m not above it. And if that offends you and your gang of mommy BFFs you met on the internet and don’t even know, well bless your heart. We also do much more to explain to our 3 year old that she is in the wrong, ya know like sitting her down and having a slightly dumbed down convo about right and wrong. I’m not a lazy parent here, i’m just a mom.
So do you get where I’m getting at here? NONE of us are bad moms just because society wants to pretend we are for stereotypical reasonings. I raise my kids in the way I see fit. The whole “I don’t know HOW our parents ever made it with raising kids” is bull. they did it and i’m doing it MY WAY! So thank you for your google degree unwanted un-welcomed advice, but i’m going to smile and tell you to kindly find the door! I’m basically a Black Hawk helicopter mom and I give zero craps on who I piss off while raising my kids, and you shoudn’t either! Thanks for coming to my Tedd Talk, now i’ll go have a glass of wine.